Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Two Week Wait

Well, I am quickly approaching the end of my two week wait after having my IUI. The first week went by very quickly. This second week has been a little harder.
I honestly know that I am probably not going to have any idea either way if it worked or not until I actually get the phone call with my blood work results back. The mind is a funny thing though. My mind is definitely working over time. Every little thing that my body feels I am analyzing it. I can have myself talked into the fact that it for sure worked I just feel it and then back to no it didn't work there is no way it worked in a five minute time period.
I try to think to myself that I shouldn't think about it so much because it is total out of my hands. There is nothing that I personally can do at this point that would make the outcome any different. It is what it is no matter how I am going to feel about it.
The one thing I know is if the outcome is negative then I am going to be sad. I am so tired of being sad and disappointed. I want it to be my turn to be happy and excited. I want it to be my turn to tell my family good news. I want it to be my turn to sit with my husband and daydream about what our baby will look like or if it's a boy or girl, or what we are going to name it. I want to paint a nursery and pick out baby clothes and grow a nice big belly that kicks people when they touch it.
The hopeful side of me is saying maybe this is it for me. Maybe my turn has finally come and I can move on from this chapter of my life. Then there is the side that says don't get your hopes up. What makes this time any different from the last. Protect your heart and hope for the best but expect the worst.
I guess either way there is no way to prepare myself for good news or bad news. It is going to be whatever it is meant to be. Whatever God has planned for me. Let's hope this will be my last two week wait!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

After Months of Waiting.......

Well after all the blood work and waiting for that to come back, last month I was able to start a new drug call Fermara. I went in to see when the IUI would be scheduled and the drug didn't to its job. So yet another month I had to wait. I was very disappointed.

This month we decided to go with Fermara again days 3-7 then on days 7-12 we started injections of Follistim. I went into the Dr for the u/s to see if we could do the IUI and guess what on day 12 there was one huge follicle which was going to be ready the next day! So that morning I gave myself the ovidrel shot and went in the next morning for my IUI. That was Sat May 15th.

The things that are different about this cycle are the IUI took place on day 13. All my other cycles it was not earlier than day 16. The follicle was much larger. This month it was 21mm with my u/s in past months they were only about 17mm and we had to let them grow. I am hoping that these different things are positive things.

So now the roller coaster of the two week wait begins. It depends on the moment on how I feel. Sometimes I am very hopeful and just think to myself that it has to work and that's all there is to it. Other times I sit and think why would it work its only worked once before and you miscarried. It's very hard and I have a constant battle with myself. I feel it is healthier and better for my body to try to remain positive and hopeful but at the same time it is better for my heart to remain a little guarded.

No matter what though I pray this is our month and we get a healthy happy baby from it. I am so ready for this chapter of our married life to be over so we can move on and enjoy each other without this constantly being on our minds.